Most couples don’t plan to be in a sexless marriage. Even still, one must understand that the phrase “sexless marriage” is relative to each respective couple. Your decision to go at it like wild beasts twice a month may work for your marriage (as long as both partners are fulfilled). On the other hand, to a couple that is accustomed to having sex three times a week, twice a month may feel like celibacy.
So what causes a sexless marriage? In many cases, the couple doesn’t even realize they’ve stopped having sex (at least one of them anyway) until it has already become a major issue. The disconnect often stems from some unresolved issue – an argument that didn’t end well, financial tension, an act of mistrust, individual stressors/anxiety, etc. Everyday life can also hinder sexual connection. The demands of small children (or not-so-small ones) can be stressful and exhausting. Differing work schedules, health issues…any of these could wreak havoc on a couple’s sexual intimacy.
But I can’t just tell you to focus on having more sex and act like that’s going to fix the problem. While more sex could definitely be beneficial (this just got 20 more husbands to subscribe to the blog), communication needs to be the first step. The fact that there is an issue – lack of sex – has to be brought to light. Then the couple needs to discuss the potential reasons why they’re not connecting. Once these obstacles have been addressed, the physical act will be a lot less taxing…and a lot more fulfilling.
Ok…so what now? When ending a sexual sabbatical in your marriage, it is important that communication happen well before you reach the bedroom. Let your spouse know you are looking forward to your time together. Go on a date. Arrange a getaway. Send a suggestive text. Sex may even need to be scheduled in order to ensure it does happen and that both your needs are being met. Yeah, it doesn’t sound romantic, but it is way more romantic than not having any sex at all. Allow your spouse to feel safe being vulnerable. It’s been a while; so it may seem awkward at first...but it'll get better with time.
So in the famous words of Salt-N-Pepa and Tone Loc..."Let’s talk about sex, baby" and "Let's do it!"...#tilDeath